On the way there will always be someone, waiting for you, knowing you, taking care of you and then leaving you.
To me, Huang Jian was one of such friends. We were once colleagues. We were both from poor areas. However, I fortunately stayed in campus and came to work in the summer holiday just to add up my social experience, while Huang Jian left his middle school in his early tens and worked to make a living in Guangdong.
It was a sunny afternoon when I came to be a waitress in an amusement park. It was the first time I had ever seen him. He was in the working suits—green T-shirt and blue jeans, looking young but not in. The boss told him to tell me the rules there. But he just glanced at me and went to work even without saying hello to me. I could find some kind of loneliness in his eyes. Maybe there were some stories in his heart. Or maybe he liked keeping cool and quiet.
Days went by and time proved that my judgment was completely wrong. Jian, who was one year older than me, was not that quiet, on the contrary, he was a warm-hearted young man. Soon we became good friends. For most of the time we had to work together to serve the customers. He often helped me do some daily chores, just like my elder brother. When there were no customers, we would sit down to have a chat. We shared happiness and sorrows in life. He told me his experience in Guangdong and I would tell him the wonderful life on campus. He was good at singing, and he would sing a song for me whenever I seemed to be unhappy. I still remember he told me he wanted to be a singer in the future. When he was telling his dream, his eyes were full of some confidence. But when he recalled his childhood, he felt very sorry for his leaving school at the right age for studying.
Once I fell badly ill after several nights staying up too late for work. Jian took care of me and went to the doctor’s for pills. I felt so depressed that I even didn’t want to take any medicine. He patiently encourage me and told me that one must remember to look after himself when he was far away from his home, and he should have strong body then sound mind, and anyhow he should grow up a little more whenever he fell ill or failed in life. Finally I took the pills and recovered soon. I felt grateful for his concern and kindness. The next time I saw him I found something special appeared between us. The time we spent together seemed to be sweet but fly.
Time really flied. My holiday came near to the end, so I had to go back to study. We were more than close friends but less than lovers. Love could be found in our heart but neither of us said anything about it. We enjoyed being working and eating and playing together. When we were apart, some feeling like missing someone would fill up my heart. I thought I fell in love with this guy. Bu t I would never say that to anybody because I always took passive attitude towards love and waited. I could feel his subtle feeling towards me, —every time he looked at me with a smile. But he was just too modest at love.
Soon my stay ended. He still kept silent. At the last dinner we had together, he whispered to me: “It is my happiest time to be working with you and being your friend. I will remember the time we spent together for ever. You are a good girl. You deserve better life.” I did see the love in his eyes mixed with sadness. But why didn’t he say those three precious words to me? Or wasn’t I the right girl in his mind and was all the romance just in my imagination? Even if he asked, I would wait for him. But he didn’t. I left with my broken heart.
Not until long did I receive his letter. He still didn’t mention his love. I waited patiently. Then came his third letter. Still silent. Then the last one. He said he was leaving the city to chase his dream and he told me to work hard. At the end of the letter he said he once loved me deeply but because of our different destinies, he kept it silently in his heart. He asked me for forgive as he might had interrupted my quiet campus life somehow.
I read the letter in tears again and again. What a pity boy who didn’t have enough confidence in the love once he should have had! He was too thoughtful to tell me the answer that I wished to know.
What I could do was to wish him good luck in my heart, for he didn’t give me the new address or a telephone number.
He went far away from me at last, but he was there in my heart once before and he will always be there in my lifetime.